I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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