Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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