I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
