Heybabeimwearingurpanties
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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