You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Randomize
