Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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