If i come over, it means nothing
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
