Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
