Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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