it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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