I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
