just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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