i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
