So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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