Moan for me like Helen Keller
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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