i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
