so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
