Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
