I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
