you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
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