So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
MIDGETS
????
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
