you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
