Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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