I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
