Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I skipped work to stalk him.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
