I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
