He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
