I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
