ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
