I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
