Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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