I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
