Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
