So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
