9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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