Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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