What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
