You really coming over, don't trick.
I am puke
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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