dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
