i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
