she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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