So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
