it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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