You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
