I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
