I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
