trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
