I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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