i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
