We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
