absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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