I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
